you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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