Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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