He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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