your parents love me but you hate me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
