just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
