I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
