So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
