I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
