i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
