Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
