I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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