Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We talked him into tasing himself.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize