I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
