I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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