Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
