I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
