I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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