I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
vagina is talking i cant
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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