she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
