My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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