there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
