The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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