My sheets look like a crime scene.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
