i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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