Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
