I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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