I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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