Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
