He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
