I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
