Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
