We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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