How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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