If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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