I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
