whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
