My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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