my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
