And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
