my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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