alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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