i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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