Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Damn victory sex feels great
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