FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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