Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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