Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
