i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
