My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
