And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
