I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
