nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
