i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
