He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Less talking, more tequila
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
