I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
