how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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