I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize