How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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