she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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