If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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