When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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