i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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