Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize