I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
