i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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