yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
