I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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