so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
