A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
