omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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