Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
