i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
