She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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