i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
