I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
