K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
