I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
