Do vagina's smell?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize