Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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