Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
third nipple confirmed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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