I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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