i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
