(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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