belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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