I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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