mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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