so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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